Today

3 May

Today was my birthday. I have had a wonderful day with Simon and my family. I have learnt over the last 5 months that it is possible to feel happy and sad at exactly the same time. Emotions are not restricted. I am sad. I am happy. Sadness and sorrow sit within me but layered over that can be happiness at spending time out in a fancy restaurant with my lovely husband. Joy at watching Maggie laugh and play. Comfort and warmth being surrounded by my amazing family. Always thinking of Tilda. Taco as Maggie now calls her. I wish she could hear that, I think she would like it a lot.

There are big changes ahead. We are moving from this home where so much has happened. My heart hurts at the thought of leaving Tilda’s room but I know that we must. We have found a place close to friends and family and I know we will enjoy being there. Change is so hard. But we take Tilda wherever we go, in our hearts and in our memories.

Batten disease has continued to wreak havoc on our small community with the loss of more children over the last few weeks. Each loss is a reminder of its viciousness.

I am learning to live with my sadness. It sits in a place in my heart that opens and shuts. It will be a part of me forever and once upon a time I would
have thought that it might be unbearable. But it isn’t.

Today I am a year older. Perhaps wiser. Certainly sadder. Certainly ok.

Thank you so much to everyone for the birthday wishes, messages and phone calls. It has been a good day.

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11 Responses to “Today”

  1. Jennifer Mars May 3, 2014 at 12:42 pm #

    Dear Laura, it is still your birthday here in California so I am cheering you on. I am happy that you are moving and will be closer to friends and family, however I think that we will all grasp onto that image of Tilda’s room for a long time to come. I never actually saw it but feel as if I did. It wasn’t the room, it was Tilda I saw. Love, Jennifer

  2. daryl Linnane May 3, 2014 at 1:12 pm #

    Belated birthday wishes Laura. So pleased to hear you are ‘ok’ and had a good day . We don’t forget you, Simon and the family and your ongoing journey. And we don’t forget the very special Tilda that you share with us. Change IS often very hard BUT Tilda and the memories do not change – they are an integral part of you forever. They do not change. Love Daryl

  3. Anne Bunting May 3, 2014 at 6:12 pm #

    Belated birthday wishes Laura. I am so pleased you had a lovely day and that you are able to enjoy all that is good in your life as well as never forgetting Tilda or your undercurrent of sadness. Hope your studies are going well and that the move goes smoothly in spite of the wrench of leaving behind so many visible reminders of Tilda – she will never leave your heart no matter where you are.
    Love always Anne

  4. Cally May 3, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

    Hope the birthday festivities were wonderful. All the best on your move.
    Warm hug to Maggie. Love Cally xx

  5. Diane White May 4, 2014 at 1:39 pm #

    How could I forget another Taurean’s birthday? Wish you a year ahead of achievement in your studies and hope the new house is full of friends and happiness. Hope to see you soon. With love specially to you for your birthday and to Simon and that gorgeous smiling Maggie. Di XXX

  6. Fiona May 4, 2014 at 7:02 pm #

    Love you Loon xxxxxxx

  7. Juliet May 5, 2014 at 10:42 am #

    So glad you had a happy birthday. Love

  8. Irene May 5, 2014 at 1:18 pm #

    I can sing to you if you ring me at work otherwise Happee Happee to you Ms Laura, sending you hugs as I have eaten the chocolate 🙂 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  9. Debra May 24, 2014 at 1:00 am #

    Belated birthday wishes Laura. Hope the move goes well. I am still in awe of your strength and bravery. xx

  10. Monique Davis May 24, 2014 at 10:05 pm #

    Dear Laura, I think of you all, and Tilda, often. Love, Monique

  11. Nicole Powell May 20, 2015 at 12:38 pm #

    Sorry I missed your birthday Laura – I’m so glad you had a happy day with your loving family, the most important love of all. ❤
    I send you my very best from the bottom of my heart, and am so glad to hear 'taco', thanks for sharing that – it made me smile, verrry cute.
    Take care, of yourself, and your family – as no doubt you will be,
    My very best, from Nicole, and my loyal dog (son), Muddy. xx

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