Feeling helpless

6 Dec

These last few weeks of being pregnant have been somewhat trying. I know that there isn’t much longer to go and that of course it will all be worth it in the end but damn it is getting uncomfortable. The most difficult thing, apart from constant waking due to hip pain, cankles and sausage toes, has been the inability to interact with Tilda as much as I would like.

As this disease progresses, I see her withdraw from the world around her and I want to hang on to her as much as possible. But a large bump and aching joints has made it increasingly difficult.

It is a helpless feeling. To not be able to have her on my lap for a cuddle. To not be able to lift her as much as I would like. To not be able to have bedtime snuggles.

This was all even more evident yesterday. Not a good day. I got a call from school to say that Tilda was really upset and distressed with increased seizures. Tilda very rarely cries these days so we know that it is a sign that something is quite wrong. Very frustratingly, it happened that our van was at the mechanic being fixed due to overheating. Physically, it is now virtually impossible for me to get Tilda in and out of the black car by myself. A huge thank you to the lovely Dan for coming to help me. I took Tilda to the hospital where Simon met me and we spent 7 hours in emergency trying to determine what was wrong.

There is nothing worse than listening to your child in distress and not being able to fix it or help. She would have these 5 or so minute crying episodes followed by calm followed by more crying. This went on all afternoon. No fever, no infection, no indication what could be wrong. We left with not many more answers than we went in with. My suspicion is that it is part of this bastard condition. That she was having increased seizures which were really bothering her and causing her distress. Once we got her home and into her comfortable bed, she did cheer up although we did then have some more crying before bedtime.


We kept her home today and she spent a day with dad, with lots of Dora and relaxing. No more crying which is wonderful but unfortunately a return of vomiting. Clearly, she is not 100% at the moment so we are just keeping an eye on her and staying in touch with the Drs if need be.

As for me, I had my last day of work today which was both sad and exciting. I do hope to be back at some point next year but it will very much be a case of waiting and seeing how things are going. Pregnancy, I am now just about 38 weeks and really very ready to go whenever little miss decides to make an appearance. Of course, I complain now about the difficulties of pregnancy and being uncomfortable but there is certainly something to be said for her being safely tucked away for the moment. Once she is out, it will be a whole new world to navigate. A newborn and Tilda. Thank god for all our wonderful family and friends who I know will be a huge help.

Stay tuned for the 12/12/12 update! Fingers crossed please!


6 Responses to “Feeling helpless”

  1. Kylie Smith (@KylieSm65381699) December 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

    oh you betcha, you won’t be able to get rid of me….You’ll be begging me to go away….

  2. Suzanne McHattei December 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

    My love to you all as alwyas. Can’t wait for new news of the little miss. Hope it all goes well. Much love. Suz xx

  3. Garry and Carole laird December 6, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    Hi Laura thanks for the update. It sounds tough! Thinking of you and fingers crossed for 12

  4. Juliet December 7, 2012 at 7:16 am #

    Thinking of you all and hoping very much that Tilda has a more peaceful and happy time and that you and Simon get the pre-Christmas present you want ion th day you want it! All my love.

  5. jackie December 7, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    Thinking of you guys always, looking forward to hearing some news of Tilda’s little sisters arrival…then you will be able to have lots of snuggles/cuddles/kisses with both your girls xx

  6. cally berryman December 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

    All the best for Tilda’s liitle sister. I will miss you at work. Try to rest. Love Cally

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